Of Coffee and Cigarettes
by thekeybladeschosen
Summary: What do you do when the one you loved abruptly leaves, then one day reappears without warning? AU. AkuRoku two (or three) shot, in progress!
1. Chapter 1

As he dropped the cup of steaming, frothy milk and espresso, a few variations of just one singular choice word was blaring through Axel's head.

"Mother _fuck_." He whispered, but even the slight whisper could be heard in the too silent room as his coworker, and the cross looking brunette who'd ordered the now dropped drink, watched in horror as the flimsy cup slipped from his grasp, and landed with an audible _splash_.

The hot milk splashed up across his dark grey canvas shoes- there was a rule about those, but rules were made to be broken, Axel always thought- and the bottom of his black pant legs and he felt it soak through and hit his skin, but the heat from the stupid 165 degree beverage didn't bother him as much as the dark haired woman's loud, irritated sigh did. Her eyes narrowed while she clicked her nails on the counter, asking the other barista if he was "more competent and could make her drink quickly, _thanks"._

Axel hissed through his teeth, though thankfully no one seemed to notice.  
People actually did that awful clicking thing with their nails? And what the fuck did she mean "more competent"? Axel was a damn sight better on bar than Demyx was, but apparently you drop one thing _one_ time...

The angry woman was now eyeing Demyx as he rushed to make the drink, though the poor kid wasn't great under pressure. He splashed extra syrup on the counter, he spilled milk as he poured it into a pitcher, and lastly he dropped a pile of sleeves as he tried to extract just a single one, his thin fingers, adorned in rings, shaking.  
As the sleeves fell and Demyx stuttered, the fucking apparent shedevil made a point of sighing again, somehow even more loudly and rolling her eyes, and it made Axel's fingers twitch into a fist. Kneeling down to begin to clean up his mess, he began muttering under his breath about the woman.

What was this bitch's problem anyway? She'd been in the damn shop for a grand total of two minutes, and marched her way up to the counter angrily, demanding the hottest latte they could sell her with one extra shot and _absolutely no foam_ , scaring the shit out of poor Demyx along the way as she'd impatiently waited for him to ring her up. And now, because Axel was a person and people have a tendency to occasionally fuck up, the bitch was somehow even more irritable because christ fucking forbid she had to wait an extra sixty seconds for her stupid foam free, caffeine laced drink.

Demyx stuttered once more, another apology to her obvious anger, and quickly finished off the new drink, foam free with that stupid extra shot of espresso, _obviously_ , handing it off while Axel stood, dropping the towels into the trash, moving to clean up the new, but arguably smaller mess that Demyx had made of the counters.

"That bitch was crazy." Axel muttered, as finally the woman left, her heels clacking annoyingly on the tile. His head was pounding. It was only ten a.m, aka too goddamn early for this shit.

Demyx simply laughed nervously, an awkward trait Axel had grown to like about the weird boy.  
"Shouldn't talk that way about customers, Ax." Was the easygoing reply, the musician's mood much improved by the woman's exit.  
Axel shrugged. Just like Demyx to not want to say anything rude, but that was the difference between the two.  
Demyx was kind and unfazed in most situations, once he got past the nervousness, whereas Axel just did not care about anything that went down inside this usually horrific place he called a job.

Not a joke, either. Literally, he just did not care about making coffee, or pastries, and he certainly didn't give a damn about the customers here. Now and then, they'd get a really cool person, but for the most part, the people that bought coffee here were usually one of two things: rude or whiny, and he wasn't the type of man to deal with that kind of bullshit.

Truthfully, he'd only taken a job here because habits must be paid for and while his parents gladly paid his college tuition and dorm fees and the like, he doubted they'd support the extracurricular activities he'd grown fond of.  
Lucky for him, right when he'd began his job search, an old friend had almost dropped an opportunity into his lap.

See, one of the owners, Saix, was an old friend. Though not much older than Axel, (a whopping three year age gap separated them) Saix was much further in his chosen life career. He and his husband Xemnas had built The Organization from the ground up, and now with two locations, hiring on an entire staff of college students meant they could focus most of their precious time on their newly adopted son.

One would imagine that due to being friends with the owner, Axel might enjoy his job a bit more.  
But that would require Axel to enjoy any kind of work, and that feeling had never seemed to come to him.

The bells over the door jingled, and from the corner of his eye he could see a pair make their way into the shop, a girl's voice saying, "No, trust me, this place has the _best_ coffee, it's so much better than..."  
Axel rolled his eyes, immediately tuning them out. Another hipster claiming they were better than the corporate chains, from what he could tell.  
Now, usually, that was a load of bullshit.

The only difference between them and a corporation was the lack of quirky drink titles, and maybe a dollar or so difference here and there. All the coffee tasted the same, from what he could tell. It's not like their coffee was ground from some kind of special beans, or anything. In fact, if he had to bet on it, he'd place a decent amount on the claim that it all came from the same source- grounds, syrup, etc.

But never tell that to the indie kids. They like to feel special, and like they are helping out communities by supporting the small businesses instead of forking over their money to the corporations. And hey, if it kept Axel in a job and therefore money, who was he to correct their incredibly wrong way of thinking?

Raising an eyebrow at Demyx to ask a nonverbal question, to which the dirty blond boy sighed and nodded, Axel walked out from behind the counter to go do literally anything other than make drinks.  
In fact, he thought as he situated himself at a chair where he couldn't be seen from the counter, taking a short break would even be great, as he felt was his right. As it was, he didn't feel too guilty anyway.  
He knew Demyx could handle these hipsters. They'd probably order some sissy drinks anyway, or just straight espresso shots.  
Gazing downwards to avoid eye contact, he saw the two pairs of feet out of the corner of his eye as he pretended to check his phone.

He'd hazard a guess that it was a boy and girl, judging by their shoes and pant legs alone.

Letting his gaze travel slightly upward, he realized that as he'd thought, these two were really something else, judging by their clothes that seemed just a tad too wannabe edgy to be serious.

Was the boy (or at least, he assumed the other was male) wearing checkered jeans? Those were a thing that people actually wore? Axel's brow furrowed and he had to end his quick glance, before he said something that would probably classify as rude. Standing up and twirling on his heel, he headed for the swinging door that led to the back. At least back there he could get away with pretending to work, or something that wouldn't irritate poor Demyx, who now had his pity for dealing with these wannabes.

"Welcome to the Organization, guys! I'm Demyx. What can I do for you today?" Came the all too chipper voice of his coworker.  
 _Do a jig_ , Axel thought. _Sing one of your songs._  
That's why they came to a coffee shop. To see underpaid baristas do anything but make coffee.

"Hey man, thanks! I'll have your largest iced coffee please." Axel froze, midstep, his hand still on the swinging door at the sound of the male's voice. He knew that voice.  
"Black as his heart." The girl joked, laughter in her voice.  
His features twisted into a snarl involuntarily.

That was _their_ joke.  
Which meant that had to be Roxas.  
Axel swiveled around and stalked back to the corner of the counter, staying out of eyeshot as he peeked at the pair ordering from Demyx.

It _was_ Roxas.  
He looked the same as Axel remembered- messy blond hair, big blue eyes, beautiful face that could only be the work of angels...

No.  
No _no no **no no**._

No fucking way.

Axel eyed the girl with Roxas from his hiding spot. She was a tiny little thing, barely reached the blond's shoulder. Her jet black hair was short and choppy, and her eyes were indigo, framed by long black lashes.  
She had a cutesy, heart shaped face and a winning smile, one she was currently flashing. The blond boy was grinning back, and the redhead had to look away, his breath hitching in his throat.

His heart hurt. Was this who Roxas preferred to him now? Was this the pretty little thing Roxas had used to forget about Axel?  
It couldn't be. What could that girl have that he didn't?

 _Oh, who knows...her shit straightened out, maybe?_

Axel wanted to lay down on the hard tile floor and just die. The ground could open up and swallow him whole and he'd welcome that with open arms, as opposed to this hellhole he was in.

It had been months since he'd seen Roxas. Months of no communication whatsoever.

Roxas had up and left when he'd learned Axel wasn't going to change, and that had hurt every day.  
It hadn't been his fault, right? True love dictated they'd stay with you no matter what, right? Even if they disagree with some things? They'd love you in spite of these things, yeah? Wasn't that what that all meant, that if they truly loved you, they'd stick by you?  
But beautiful, wonderful, mean as all fucking hell Roxas hadn't.

His mouth now in a tight line, and his heart hammering painfully in his chest, Axel had half a mind to go out and say something cutting. Or like, perhaps pretend he had no idea who the blond man was. Maybe he'd flirt with Demyx. Maybe he'd flirt with the little dark haired girl at his ex's side. Maybe, just maybe, the redhead would flirt with the whole goddamn store.

Now that gave him an idea. Flirting was one thing...but...  
Actually, he'd do one better.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, pressing the button to light the screen up. Typing his pin in quickly to unlock it, he shot off a rapid fire text to his roommate, watched the little notification tell him it'd been read...and waited.

Luckily, his roommate and close friend was of the good variety, and replied instantly, with affirmation. Smiling, Axel locked his phone and dropped it back into his pocket.

And now, to play the waiting game.

He just hoped Larxene would hurry.

 **xXxXxXx**

The blonde woman had made it to the coffee shop in a record time of five minutes. Axel had caught her as she was getting ready to head out anyway, and she, being a great friend, had decided her other plans could wait just a tiny little while until she fulfilled her best friend duties.  
Glancing at her reflection in her rearview mirror, she finished the final touch with her lipstick and smiled. Satisfied with what she saw, she blew herself a kiss, lips a startlingly bright shade of red.

Blood red lipstick had always been her favorite shade.  
Catching sight of her reflection once more as she grabbed her purse, she winked at herself before exiting her car.

Larxene was very into her own hype, you see. She knew she was hot, she knew her green/blue eyes sparkled, she knew her golden hair was flawless and the object of envy to others who only _wished_ their tresses were so naturally perfect.  
Larxene knew all too well her affect on people. And now, her darling best friend Axel wanted her to use those powers for evil?  
It was all too... _delicious._

Her eyes scanned the coffee shop as she let herself in, and she instantly saw the object of their retaliation sitting by a window, a cute dark haired girl across from him, cups in hand. The girl was chatting animatedly, the blond nodding every so often at a lull in her story to indicate he was in fact listening.

Eyes narrowed dangerously in the blonde woman's face as she took in the sight.  
Now, it's important to note that Larxene and Roxas had never met, as she'd come into Axel's life post-fiasco, but she'd seen the years worth of photos of him and the redhead enough times to recognize him on sight.  
The boy was gorgeous with his perfectly arrayed mess of blond spikes, that golden skin, and those big blue eyes, no doubt about it.

Yet he'd hurt Axel, and for that he had to pay. If one could command lightning bolts specifically to strike others down, she'd do it to the blond boy in an instant.  
As it were, she herself was incapable of such things, and must make do with what she did have as a weapon.

Larxene sashayed her way up to the counter, asking Demyx to send Axel her way discreetly. It wouldn't do to have the couple by the window become alert before the show, after all.

Demyx just grinned that perpetually goofy grin at her before running to the back for Axel.

"Ax, your friend is here."  
Axel grinned at Demyx, green eyes bright and mischievous. "Great. I'm taking a break, pal."  
Ignoring Demyx's confused look to the fact they'd only been working for a grand total of two hours thus far in their day, the redhead removed his hat and apron and ran a thin hand through his hair. Glancing into the tiny mirror he had insisted they keep in the back, right at his eye level ("How will I know how utterly irresistible I am if I can't check up every now and then? do you know what a shame it would be to forget, even briefly, how devilishly handsome I am?" had been his reasoning to Saix, and the man had simply sighed but allowed it) he was satisfied with what he saw and went back through the revolving door and into the main part of the shop.

Larxene caught his eye and did the most natural thing she could think of.  
She shouted, "Axel, darling!" loudly, ran forward to meet him halfway, and kissed him on the mouth.

Axel wrapped his arms around her, returning the surprise kiss with enthusiasm. He had to hand it to Larxene, she could definitely act.

Neither of them saw the blond man turn sharply when he heard the familiar name, or the look that crossed his face after.  
They did hear him get up and leave, dragging the shorter dark haired girl with him, the latter with a loud protest of "Hey!", however.

Axel broke away from Larxene, his brow furrowed. He'd wanted Roxas to blow up, or stick around long enough for him to say something cutting.  
Larxene stared at him, green eyes flashing. "Go get him!" She hissed, immediately stepping out of reach and gesturing, with one perfectly manicured hand, to the door.

Axel blinked and nodded, running out the door and down the street after the first two.

Turning to Demyx, Larxene flashed a shiny grin full of very white teeth.  
"So, cutie, what's a girl gotta do to get some coffee around here?"  
Demyx stuttered.

 **xXxXxXx**

How had he managed to lose them? He'd been out the door right after the duo had, and they were just gone.

Axel spun on the spot, hair flying about wildly as he moved. There was no way those two pipsqueaks could have moved that quickly on their short little legs. The street deadended just a few feet to the east, so he'd run down the opposite way, but there was no sign of either blond or black hair.

Chances stood that they'd just had a car parked nearby, but Roxas didn't like to drive.  
Though maybe his new girlfriend did...  
"FUCK." Axel yelled, coming to a halt. Fuck his fucking life, man.

Dejectedly, he headed back for the shop.

Maybe he should've gone about it differently. Perhaps there would have been a better way.

But no. This was Roxas, and Roxas deserved to feel bad. Roxas deserved to fall under the assumption that Axel didn't need him, because Axel didn't need anybody. Fuck Roxas.  
He deserved to run far away, to want to avoid Axel, to avoid the fact he fucking _sucked_.  
Right?

One shaking hand reached up to push through the mess of red hair on his head, and he took a deep breath, his eyes staring down.

Maybe this was for the best. Now, if Roxas knew what was best, then he would never come by the shop again, and Axel would never have to feel that heart wrenching pang of sadness all over again.  
Yeah, that was it. This was a blessing, really. A big fat blessing.  
His left hand, the one not in his hair, fidgeted with the lighter in his pocket. This was one of many nervous habits, one that he really needed to learn how to break, as he couldn't particularly afford to set another pair of pants on fire.

Sighing, Axel lifted his gaze from the sidewalk, back to the building in which he worked.

As he looked up, so did the blond leaning against the wall, and blue eyes met green.  
Roxas didn't hesitate before he pushed himself off the wall, walking slowly over to close the gap between them, and looked up into Axel's face.  
It felt like the world was slowing down. Axel couldn't even think of an angry thing to say. Blankly, he wondered where the girl had gone, but asking about that might seem strange, so he didn't.  
All the ways he'd imagined them meeting up again, all the things he'd imagined he'd do, none of them had involved Roxas coming to his work, or any other way the last forty minutes had gone.  
He had nothing, no plan, no witty or snarky remarks to make.  
So he said nothing.

The two stood like that for a moment, completely silent, and as Axel began to open his mouth, Roxas cut him off.  
"Look, Axel, we need to talk."

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay! This was gonna be a simple oneshot, but in order to actually expand upon my idea without driving myself crazy, I decided it'll become a two or three shot instead. (is a three shot a thing? idk man)  
Basically, I love reading longer chapters, but writing them? Nah. I'm too fucking lazy for that.

Also, I've never written akuroku centered anything, but lately I've just really wanted to write axel, and i only ship him with roxas or, sometimes, demyx... so...roxas seemed the obvious choice for most of the ideas I've had because zemyx forever, so~

this is one of three akuroku one/two shots I'm working on on top of two other, non akuroku fics because clearly I hate myself and belong in the kh dumpster

part 2/? will hopefully be up soon if this monster cold stops trying to murder me!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer** : I've always thought these were weird since this is a site labeled FAN fiction, but hey, whatever. just to be safe I guess: KH is clearly not mine, unless going through a copy every year from 2006-2011 from literally over-playing the discs to death means I can claim ownership.  
nah but seriously, if I owned it, I'd be able to stop agonizing over a damn release date for 3.

fair warning: vague sexual content, not that that's anything new on this site! also self harm mentions in this chapter. I bumped the rating up just to be safe, though I try to avoid being too explicit with either because I'm literally a baby.

* * *

 ** _One Year Earlier:_**

The blond man pushed the front door open, dropping his keys and sunglasses onto the table in the corner, nudging the door closed behind him and locking it out of habit. His eyes adjusted to the dim apartment slowly, taking in the large, airy space, windows covered by blackout curtains because lately his boyfriend hated when it got too bright.

Sighing, he noted the pile of shoes off to the side of the couch, including the ones his boyfriend usually wore to work, indicating that the man must have, yet again, decided such a thing wasn't worth his time today.  
Nothing new there, but he felt the rush of slight disappointment anyway.

"Axel?" he called through the living room, but no reply came.  
Typical.

A quick glance showed the redhead wasn't in the kitchen, so that left one place.

Trekking his way through the hallway of their one bedroom apartment, his eyes adjusting to the even darker atmosphere, Roxas inhaled and caught the scent of the all too familiar, acrid burning smell of fire before he saw it, and fury coursed through his veins.

Bursting into their room, he found the redhead just as he knew he would, as he'd known he would the moment he'd stepped in, if he was honest with himself- back turned to him, red locks tumbling messily down his back, a thin layer of smoke permeating the room.

Too. Fucking. Typical.

He began screaming, and the redhead started in surprise, then stood and turned, screaming back.

Their voices melded together in a chorus of anger, and somehow it ended as it always did- with Axel hungrily reaching for him, green eyes bright and wide, turned on beyond belief and aching for the release he just _knew_ Roxas wouldn't, couldn't, never did deny him.

Shirts were yanked over heads and tossed aside, and Roxas let the taller man push him to the bed roughly, Axel climbing on top of him and kissing and biting down his neck, across his chest, muttering soft words in place of the angry ones from mere moments before.

With one tangled in his hair while the second of the taller man's hands inched further down his torso, to undo buttons and zippers and peel away at his jeans, and his mouth hot against his jaw, all Roxas could think and feel and process was how numb he was becoming to all of this.

He felt nothing as Axel worked him, his body on autopilot as Axel entered him, whispering about love and beauty and pain and need, as he always did when they did this, and Roxas wondered why he couldn't speak, or cry, or tell the one he loved so very, very much to just fuck off already.

He returned the kisses Axel pressed to his mouth, but his heart wasn't in it at all. He stared up at his lover without speaking, wondering just how out of it Axel was not to notice the zombie like state he was in beneath him.  
Briefly, he wondered if Axel cared anymore if he actively participated, so much as he was willing to let the redhead do as he wanted, but he pushed that thought away, back into the deep recesses of his mind.  
He couldn't go there, couldn't think that. Not because he felt guilty for thinking that way, but because he figured the answer would probably destroy him.

His body did the work for him, and before too long he came, spent, and Axel followed right after, laying over him and kissing soft, wet kisses up his neck to his ear, red hair falling into his face.  
The blond wished he had the heart to push it away, to push the other away, to stand up and just fucking leave.

"I love you Roxas, I love you, I'm sorry about earlier, I'm sorry."  
But he wasn't, Roxas knew.  
He was never sorry.  
He'd do it again. He always did it again. Sure, he tried sometimes to be better. He'd go days, sometimes weeks, once even a month of trying so very hard to be better, but they always came back to this. It always happened again, and they went around and around and around like some kind of fucked up carousel, and Roxas was so far gone, he just wanted out.

If or when the numbness would fade, Roxas would try to scream and yell at him, to shake some sense into the man he loved, but it'd turn into this all over again.

He wanted to cry.  
He had to get out of here. He had to leave. He needed to just get up and go.

Axel cooed words at him, but it was all white noise. A hand was tangled through his hair, the familiar green eyes so very wide and loving, as the scent of sex mingled with the light, hazy film of smoke.  
Roxas wanted to disappear.

* * *

 _ **Present Day:**_

Axel sat across from Roxas, and the blond wanted to cry.  
The redhead was virtually unchanged since the last time he'd seen him, nearly a full six months before.  
His face was leaner, somehow, which felt strange because he was already so thin, but still so goddamn beautiful.  
The catlike green eyes above two tear drop tattoos were still a vivid shade, and feral in a way Roxas had once been undeniably drawn to. He knew he was staring, knew he needed to look somewhere else, but he couldn't seem to look away.  
 _Like a car accident_ , he thought wryly, _like a fucking wreck that you can't tear your eyes away from_.

"So, you wanted to talk. Talk." Axel said dryly, breaking him out of his reverie.  
Roxas blinked, and nodded.

He'd had to wait all day, after telling Axel they needed to talk. In an extremely uncharacteristic way, Axel had mentioned he had a job to do, and told Roxas what time he'd be done.  
Roxas had nodded, left, paced his apartment and wondered if it'd be better to not go back at all, and then finally, four in the afternoon came, and Roxas kept his word to come back at that time.  
He'd wondered all the while if it was a good idea, but he knew he had to. He had to do this. And then he could officially, finally be done. Forever.

Now, they sat across from each other in a cafe downtown, because Roxas had known Axel could cause a scene if he wanted to, the same way he had earlier in the day at his own workplace, but at least he'd sort of be expected to behave in a strange setting.  
Perhaps the fact there were more people here would deter him, at any rate.

"Axel, listen..."  
"Oh? Is that what you want me to do?" The other countered mockingly, venom lacing his voice, a dark look in his eye.  
Roxas sighed, looking down at his hands. He'd known this wouldn't be easy. That's why he'd wished to avoid it. Damn conscience.  
"I thought we weren't going to do this."  
Axel snorted. "And I thought you loved me, but shit happens, doesn't it, Rox?"  
His head snapped up. How dare the redhead- how dare he fucking act like-  
The blond wanted to scream himself hoarse, and cry, and maybe punch Axel in the face, but Roxas wasn't the violent sort, and he'd wasted too much time screaming in the past.

So he didn't say anything.  
Axel didn't say anything, either, and fuck if that didn't annoy him.

A waitress came by with their drink orders, and Roxas thanked her quietly and waited for her to walk away before glancing back at Axel.  
The redhead's face was impassive, and he leaned in a little, the sinister look still all too present in his green eyes.  
"You can't have it both ways you know."  
"What does that mean?" Roxas asked, frowning.  
Axel chuckled darkly. "You can't leave without warning, cut off complete contact, and then come back and think that I care to talk to you, and then be upset when I get angry with you."  
Roxas shook his head. "That's not what I thi-"  
"Oh _yes_ it is." Axel hissed, green eyes narrowed and glinting. "You dumped me, Roxas, if one could even call it that. Officially, I guess you didn't, but abandoning me the week before our lease ended, changing your phone number the next? Blocking me on all your social media, having to hear from your brother what I'd already learned for myself... and now what? You think I give a _damn_ what explanations you think justify this?"  
Roxas flushed and stuttered. He knew his face was bright red, Roxas knew his eyes were watering despite himself, and he wished he could just up and leave.  
Again.

But that wouldn't do.

"If you didn't, I doubt you'd have agreed to this." Roxas replied vehemently.  
Axel blinked. "Touche." He chuckled, less angrily this time, leaning back into the booth and resting his arms along the top.  
Roxas watches this, unaware that Axel notices his look of...near longing. But notice it Axel does, and it twists something in his gut, makes the redhead want to run.  
"So then, what are you here for, blondie?"  
Roxas fidgets, his hand automatically reaching to twist a ring around on his middle finger. Axel watches this for a moment, green eyes dark, before they snap back up to his face.  
"So, your new girlfriend..." Roxas starts, then wishes he could take it back. That felt too catty, too intrusive, too... everything he hadn't wanted to convey. That wasn't how he planned to start this talk.

Something passes across Axel's face, gone in the blink of an eye before Roxas can make sense of it, and the redhead shrugs. "What about her?" He asks, his voice airy, and it twists a knife into Roxas's already aching heart.  
"She's interesting." He says, instead of screaming what he'd like to have said, which is something along the lines of _'Does she know? Does she love you? Does she try to help you?'_

He says none of that, though.  
It'd do no good.  
Axel leans in again, the sleeves of his shirt rising past his wrists, and Roxas can see an old scar, one he remembers too well, the one that spells his own initials.

The one that Axel burned into his skin, as a token of what he called love, as though Roxas should feel honored that Axel loves to destroy himself, loves to cause himself pain.  
Roxas flinches at the sight of it, and Axel notices, but doesn't bother to cover it up.  
"Is that all you wanted to discuss, was my love life?" Axel asks, tone dry and possibly amused, and Roxas' head snaps back up, his eyes narrowing.  
"No. I don't give a damn who you fuck." Roxas retorts, venom lacing his tone.  
Axel looks like he wants to laugh, and it's infuriating to the other man.

"Truth be told, Rox, because I'm gonna cut the shit with you: she's not my girlfriend. I did that to spite you." Roxas bit the inside of his cheek, wishing he had a retort to that.  
Of course, it had all been a show. Part of him had assumed such, but still...  
"But enough about me, then. If this is what we're doing, let me ask: who's your new girl? Let me guess: straight A's back in high school, tree hugger? Environmentalist and bra burning feminist?" Axel continues, malice coating his tone, and he chuckles darkly, not a hint of humor in it.  
Roxas snorts. "She's none of those things, but she's a damn better friend than I've had in a long time. Watch it."  
Axel holds up his hands in mock defeat, but he's smirking, and Roxas hates it.  
The blond groans, lifting his hands to his face, wondering if he could disappear behind them forever.  
Axel watches this hungrily, and he wishes he could reach across and claim Roxas as his own again.

But neither of them dare move for a moment, as something in the air changes, and it's gone as soon as the blond clears his throat, clearly uncomfortable.

 ** _They used to enjoy spending a day together, even if they did nothing but lay about._**  
 ** _"I love you, Axel."_**  
 ** _"I love you too, Rox."_**  
 ** _Lazy kisses, sunlight streaming through the cracks in the blinds. Warmth flooding the room, just the way he liked it, his beautiful blond boyfriend curled against his side._**  
 ** _They hadn't fought in a week. It had been a beautiful, peaceful truce, one he hoped not to break._**  
 ** _That was always a futile hope, though._**

"We could do this all day, but why don't we get to the point, Rox." Axel whispers, the mask of his face breaking at the unspoken change, his voice breaking, strained.  
It's so very tired, he's so very tired. He can't stop thinking about better days that he assumes the other has long forgotten. It tormented him the entirety of the afternoon at work, and he wished he'd had the guts to disappear out the back door and be glad that he'd avoided this, but he's never been able to resist Roxas.  
Like a light to a moth, he can't stop coming back even when he knows they're not working.

Roxas's eyes widen slightly at the change in tone, at the exhaustion he hears there. His hold on his cup tightens, the knuckles of his hand turning white with the strain.  
"Axel, I came here to say something, and I'm going to-"  
"No, Roxas. Just...No."  
"Listen, Axel, for fucks sake, just-"  
" _No_ , Roxas." The tone alone is enough to stop Roxas in his tracks, because Axel sounds so...tired.  
The redhead looks tired, and suddenly so very pale, his eyes lacking their usual spark.  
"I get it. You did what you had to do, I do what I have to do, those things don't coexist. I just...fuck, okay, I get it. Okay?"  
Roxas just stares at him, mouth slightly open, and Axel continues, "I'm sorry about today. Really, that was stupid and I don't know why I did it. Past is in the past, or whatever lion king shit that is. It's done, it's over, and we're wasting our time here, pretending like we can fix any aspect of it. We're a mess, aren't we? We aren't the people we once were, and that's...that's okay. Alright?"  
Roxas begins to argue, but Axel cuts him off, now straining to sound nonchalant.  
"Seriously. It's done. I accept that, but do me a favor, kid?"  
Roxas blinks. Once, he'd hated Axel calling him kid. He'd hated it with a burning passion.  
Now, he doesn't even mind.  
He nods to the question, realizing belatedly that Axel is waiting for some form of response.

"Don't come by the shop again."

With that, Axel stands, drops a few bills on the table and leaves, his drink untouched.  
The air in the cafe is suddenly colder, and Roxas shivers, eyes wet.

 **xXxXxXx**

Trudging down the sidewalk, letting his feet carry him towards the ocean, the redhead wanders.  
A cigarette hangs from his mouth unlit, as Axel is too busy toying with a lighter to light it.  
Roxas gave him this Zippo a long time ago, before the secret spilled, before the blond could regret his choice of gifts.

It's a custom design, engraved with an image of the chakrams Axel fell in love with a long time ago. He'd always been fascinated by the weapon, and Roxas had said it suited him.  
The words _Flurry of Dancing Flames_ are engraved on the bottom, with a heart.  
They'd given each other ridiculous nicknames once, what they called their "superhero" names. Names for another life, where they had powers beyond their wildest dreams.  
Roxas himself once owned an elaborate key charm that Axel had designed for him, _The Key of Destiny_ , but he'd probably rid himself of it long ago.

Axel has carried this lighter with him every day for years. It aided him in the permanent fixture on his left arm, the scar he tattooed into his own skin of his former lover's initials.

Now it makes him sick to even think about Roxas giving it to him, packaged in a special little box, nestled in velvet.

Axel stares down at the lighter a moment more, his fist tightening around it, sand under his shoes. Around him, the ocean waves clap against rocks. Making his way by memory to the pier they used to sit on for hours, talking about the future, he stops at the edge of the old wooden stand, his grip still ironclad around this tiny piece of art.

Ignoring the voice in his head screaming that he'll regret it, he cocks his arm back and throws it as far as he can off the edge of the pier, the distant splash only semi soothing to his frazzled nerves.

Kicking off his shoes, he sits down and hangs his feet into the air, toes barely gracing the top of the water.  
"Fuckin' a..." Axel whines, dropping his head in his hands with a sigh.  
He'd fucked up. Roxas had come back, even after his stunt with Larxene, and he'd completely fucked it all up. Maybe they could've found a way to be friends again, even if Roxas had someone new. Maybe they could've found a way to be companionable.  
He'd ruined that, though, he knew it.  
 _Good job, dipshit._

Another wonderful accomplishment. He was really winning these last few years, wasn't he?

 _ **"Promise you'll never leave?"**_  
 _ **The blond laughs at the question. "So needy all of the sudden, aren't you?"**_  
 _ **They've been dating for six months, after forming a friendship three years prior. Axel has wanted him since day fucking one, but he waited until Roxas could realize he wanted him, too.**_  
 _ **"Answer the question." The redhead mock growls, leaping across the room to pounce on his boyfriend, knocking them to the bed. They tangle in a mess of limbs, Axel comfortably settled on top of his lover, planting air light kisses all over the blond's face.  
"Do you promise?" He asks again, and **__**Roxas laughs again, lifting his head to kiss his lover, and whispers, "Promise."**_

Wiping at his eyes, Axel sniffs.  
He'd have to remember that specific day, wouldn't he?  
Six months in, Roxas had promised that. Had he known then, somehow, that two years later he'd break that promise?  
No. He couldn't have, he wouldn't have. Roxas was never intentionally cruel.

And then again, that promise had been made before Axel started fucking shit up, so was it really something he could have ever held Roxas to? Could any promises made before Axel became who he was really be kept?

"Axel."  
The man in question started, his heart hammering painfully in his chest as he whipped around to see Roxas standing there, frown lines creasing his forehead.  
"Am I dreaming?" Axel asked flatly, eyes wide, a hand against his chest.  
Roxas shook his head. "No."  
"Are you following me?" Axel demanded, suddenly feeling like he ought to be defensive.  
Roxas shook his head again.  
"Then how did you know I was here?"  
"I didn't. I just..."  
Axel realized, with a jolt of surprise, that of course Roxas would have come here. This was Roxas's favorite place, the place he'd disappear to if he needed a pick-me-up, the place he'd hide away if he was upset.  
It was only because of Roxas bringing him here in the first place that he associated this place with peace anyway.

"Humor me for a second, will you?" Axel asked, his mouth suddenly dry.  
Roxas' eyes widened a fraction and he raised an eyebrow as he sat down next to the redhead, carefully keeping as much space between them as the narrow pier would allow, swinging his legs lightly in the air, his body language tense.  
"Okay." The blond answered, his voice surprisingly soft, in spite of everything.  
"Do you...do you remember when you promised you'd never leave me?"  
Roxas' face drained of color, his mouth a thin line in his too still, too pale face, and Axel wishes he could take it back, as he also considers the possibility of just slapping himself in the face. What kind of stupid fucking thing was he thinking, to ask that question after today? After _everything_?

He expects the former love of his life to get up and walk away, or maybe stay but start screaming. They'd always been good at screaming at each other, hollow words and mostly empty threats, and so far they seemed to be testing the water of how long they could avoid it this time around.

 ** _"Axel what the fuck-  
what the fuck are you thinking, you son of a bitch- what the actual hell?! You can't just fucking-"_**  
 ** _"Oh of course Roxas, like you're some goddamn saint, like you're some fucking prince of fucking virtue-"_**  
 ** _"Yeah yeah of fucking course, let's make it all about me, don't you fucking love turning shit around, you have to fucking take responsibility for your shit some time, you fucking mess-"_**  
 ** _"I'm a mess? That's fucking hilarious, you know what Roxas, fuck you too!"_**

But Roxas didn't move to get up, and slowly, he replied, "Y-yeah. I remember. I believe I called you... needy." he chuckled, though it was a hollow echo of a laugh Axel had once loved to hear.  
"What happened?" Axel whispered, though he knew what had happened.  
A hurricane had struck them, a hurricane made up entirely of Axel, a natural disaster that no one could've survived being hit by. It wiped out everything, and everyone, and left destruction in its wake.  
It was unavoidable, a complete carnage. No one could have survived it.  
"Well, Ax, honestly..." and it really, truly struck him then, how Roxas's voice was still so very soft, as if to cushion the impact, and how the shouting would have hurt less,  
"It's easy to promise something when being around the one you love doesn't feel like a battle, yknow? It was- it was so easy to swear that, when it didn't feel like the most tedious of jobs, when it wasn't constantly feel like... like having my heart ripped out and thrown away."

And for the umpteenth time that day, Axel wished the ground would just swallow him up.  
Roxas had never been one for lies, and he'd loved that once, and yet it stung like a bitch now.  
They sat in silence for a moment, and Roxas whispered "I'm sorry."  
Axel stared at the tide, wondering what could possibly go wrong if he just jumped in.  
But water had never been an option for him. He hated it, he feared drowning moreso than just about anything.

The sun lowered further into the sky, the ocean changed by the hues, and the two men continued to sit there silently.  
Roxas was biting his lip, sneaking glances at the redhead every few seconds, seemingly unable to stop himself while Axel just stared at the sun.

"Say, Roxas...do you know why the sun sets red?"  
Roxas started at the question, a crease reappearing in his brow.  
"H-haven't you asked me that before?" the blond whispers.

He had. They'd been on their very first date, and he'd ended the afternoon with ice cream at the clock tower while the sun set.  
It had been beautiful, and Axel had wanted to impress his date, so he'd pulled out what he thought was a cool fact, but it just made Roxas laugh at him.

A ghost of a smirk played on Axel's face. "Yeah, just wanted to see if you remembered. Do you?" He asked, trying to keep the desperation from his voice.  
It would break his heart if Roxas couldn't recall their first date with as much clarity as he could...but then again, what was a bit more heartbreak, really?

"Isn't it...because light is made up of all kinds of colors, but red travels farthest?" Roxas asked, amusement lacing his tone, and Axel felt something inside his chest loosen a bit.  
"Exactly." he replied smoothly, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

They sat for a moment, and Roxas chuckled. "You're still a know it all."  
Axel glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, and saw the hint of a smile on Roxas's face.  
He smiled too, something in his chest loosening as they stared at the last of the light fading into the water.

* * *

 **A/N:** this part was sort of a bitch tbh.  
Honestly, most of the pier scene was built around the idea of the sentence "it's easy to promise something when being around the one you love doesn't feel like a battle"  
I'm going through some shit, and it's coming out in my writing. oops?

ANYWAY.

this will indeed have one more part, so 3/3 will be out fairly soon. I was busy over Valentines weekend, and now we're halfway through this week or whatever, and I work all weekend so maybe after that? who knows! I plan to start it soon sooooooo. we'll see.

thanks for reading, if you are, and if you have any thoughts I'd love to hear them!  
xoxo,  
gossip girl


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